Time to catch up

Well its time to catch up. My test came back normal!!!!!!!!!!! That's one good thing. Classes are almost over, only 3 weeks left. I've been messed up the last couple of months. I've been going through some depression and anxiety amongst other things. But with the help of Welbutrin and therapy I will make it through this...

Had my test today

Well I had my 3 month post surgery cancer check today. My Dr. seems very positive and believes that my test will be normal. I'm keeping my fingers crossed but I'm not going to hold my breath or jump for joy until I know for sure. The test results will be back in a week or two. She did put me on an antibiotic as a precaution because my cervix seems to be a little more tender than it should be at this point and I've been having some pain in my lower right side. She thinks I may have some sort of irritation or infection. Better to be safe than sorry I guess.
Sunday night through yesterday morning we had a snowstorm from hell. I know we got at least two feet and I'm thinking it was a bit more than that. Was hard to tell in the blizzard conditions that were going on early yesterday morning. Now they are talking rain for Friday and more snow Sunday and Monday of next week. Gotta love winter, thank god it's almost over.

A Dose Of Reality

British reality TV star battles cancer on camera

By JENNIFER QUINN, Associated Press Writer Jennifer Quinn, Associated Press Writer Thu Feb 19, 5:32 pm ET

LONDON – A brash British reality show star whose ups and downs captivated the nation is approaching her death the same way she has lived — on television.

Dying of cervical cancer that has spread to her liver and bowels, 27-year-old Jade Goody sees no reason to turn the cameras off now.

Her first foray into the spotlight was in 2002, when she lost at strip poker on Britain's version of "Big Brother." She went on to write her autobiography, star in fitness videos, release a perfume and appear on "Celebrity Big Brother," where she was accused of racism and bullying a Bollywood star, Shilpa Shetty.

To make amends, she went to India last summer to star in its version of "Big Brother." It was there — in a shocking diagnosis captured on television — that she found out about her cancer.

Bald and pale from chemotherapy, pictures of Goody have since been daily fodder in the British press. She says the publicity and profits made from selling her story will help her sons, 4-year-old Freddie and 5-year-old Bobby Jack, and raise awareness of cervical cancer.

On Thursday, a television show documented the weeks before she learned she only has months to live. On Sunday, the cameras will roll at her wedding to 21-year-old boyfriend, Jack Tweed — recently released from prison after serving time for assault and wearing an electronic monitor. Goody will take her vows in a designer dress donated by Harrods owner, Mohamed Al Fayed.

While neither are scheduled to air in the U.S., video clips of her wedding shopping spree and cancer battle — including one where she breaks into sobs as she stares at her balding head in her bathroom mirror — have been widely viewed on YouTube. Photos of the nuptials are to be printed in OK! magazine, which along with television deals are believed to have earned Goody $1.4 million.

Her actual death is not expected to be televised or photographed, her publicist said.

"People will say I'm doing this for money," Goody told the Sun tabloid earlier this month. "And they're right. I am, but not to buy flash cars or big houses. It's for my sons' future."

Some have said Goody should spend time with her family rather than staying in the spotlight. But most have also praised her commitment to her sons and her effort to draw attention to the need for regular Pap smears, which can catch cervical cancer in its early, treatable stages.

"I may have questioned the wisdom of Jade treating the media as confidantes in her final days," wrote Allison Pearson in the conservative Daily Mail. "But I have nothing but respect for her decision to accumulate enough money for the boys to enjoy the very best education."

The media, who are now so firmly in Goody's corner, were not always so kind. She was ridiculed for being vulgar, uneducated and crass; even after her cancer diagnosis, it was suggested she was capitalizing on her illness to regain the public's affection.

From the beginning, Goody's tortured childhood provided kindling for reality TV. She grew up in a tough part of London, the daughter of drug users. Her father, who served time in prison, died from a drug overdose.

With her in-your-face attitude and willingness to share the tawdriest details of her life, the buxom brunette both fascinated and repelled Britain. Her lack of education sometimes made her an object of ridicule, such as when she asked where the English region of East Anglia — less than a two-hour drive from London — is located, and pronounced it "East Angular."

"She's a kind of product of our time," said her publicist Max Clifford. "I suppose, when I started out, it was all about talent, but Jade was the one who proved that you don't need to have talent to be someone in Britain today. She's famous for just being herself."

There was admiration, even from the prime minister, for Goody's sheer determination to make a better life for herself.

"It's very sad and indeed tragic that someone so young has got this deadly disease of cancer and it's very sad indeed that the treatment that has been given has not been successful," Gordon Brown said Wednesday at his monthly news conference.

"I think everyone has their own ways of dealing with these problems and her determination to help her family is something that we've got to applaud," he said. "I wish her well and I wish her family well and I think the whole country will be worried and anxious about her health."

The Guardian newspaper — which appeals to the left-leaning intelligentsia — weighed in on Goody's decision to publicize her impending death, praising her for confronting her mortality.

"The ostentatious rituals of mourning and public graveyards of earlier eras are not part of modern life," it said in an editorial. "Today, mortality is as finite as before, but has somehow been marginalized."

In Bermondsey, the neighborhood near London Bridge where Goody grew up, residents still consider her one of their own. Nearly all support her choice to stay in the spotlight.

"She's like one of us. We all feel for her. It's not fair," said 40-year-old Janine Stacy, a special education teacher. "It's totally her choice."

Clifford said that Goody may consider doing other deals after the wedding. "We are in discussions to do a final documentary ... She's very keen to do it, providing she's well enough," he said.

___

Associated Press Writer Dean Carson contributed to this report.

3 Days and Counting

I suppose there is something to say for getting sick. Breathing has been so difficult that I haven't had a smoke in 3 days. Guess my lungs are telling me enough is enough. I look at it this way, I'm sick enough to not want to smoke so I really won't care about nicotine withdrawal. Hopefully by the time I'm well enough to care I won't have the cravings anymore. Hubby is going through the same thing. With both of us going through it I suppose at this point in time the most positive thing is we haven't killed each other yet. I needed to quit anyway, I read in all my research that some part of nicotine sits in the cervix, not a very good thing when you already have cancer.

The big test is just a few days away. Then its sit and wait patiently for the results. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. Perhaps health-wise this will turn out to be a good year for me. Quitting smoking is definately a step in the right direction.

COLDS AND THE FLU

One has to really love Maine winters. First its below zero, then its in the 50s. Wonderful weather for growing those nice cold and flu bugs. We have all been sick. My stepson started out being sick Thursday with some sort of stomach flu. That kept him out of school for Thursday and Friday. He is now much better but somewhere along the line hubby and I have come down with really bad colds. Sleep has been hard to come by, once you lay down the coughing begins. Well I'm sure most of you know that story. It's been a few days since this started so I'm with hopes that it will be over soon. Thank god its school vacation week for my step-son and I, at least there is time to rest. On another note, it was warm today mid 30's and is going to be warm again tomorrow, then guess what, tomorrow night brings yet another snow storm. This one is suppose to hit us with at least a foot of snow, with the possibility of 18 inches. Geeez... Is spring ever going to get here???????

A Typical Maine Sunday

Well here it is a Sunday in Maine in February. It was kind of warm today in the mid 30's but the wind was rather brisk. Unless you are an avid skier or snowmobiler there isn't much to do. Winter just isn't as fun as it was when I was a kid. Then I didn't mind the cold and stayed outside for hours on end.
On a good note though, my mammogram came back normal!!! One less health issue to be worried about. One more test to go, hopefully that will have good results as well. We shall see....

Waiting

Well it's now February 5th. On February 24th I go for my three month cancer check. I survived finishing the semester with 3 A's and 2 B's. Considering everything that happened in the middle of the semester I guess I can't complain. I'm now in my fourth week of the new semester, overwhelmed with 5 classes again!!! School is good for me though it takes my mind off of everything else that is going on. On another note I had an abnormal mammogram 6 months ago, although the couldn't really determine how abnormal because it was my first one. Lucky me, I had a repeat one on Tuesday and now I'm trying to wait patiently for the results. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on the whole thing. With any luck both tests with come back with good results!! Thats what I'm hoping for anyways.

The beginning

In September of 2008 I went to the doctor’s office for my yearly pap test. Two weeks later I received a phone call telling me that my test had shown cancer cells and that I would need further examination. At the end of September I was scheduled for a colposcopy with biopsy to determine what stage my cancer was at. This first diagnosis was very scary for me. I had no idea what this all meant and what I had to look forward too. Lucky for me I have an excellent doctor and she made sure that I did not have any long waiting periods.

In early October I went for my colposcopy, my doctor biopsied several areas of my cervix that showed the abnormal cells. When I left the office that day I had an appointment to return in 10 days to go over the results. Those were probably the longest 10 days of my life. It was hard to concentrate on anything, it was at this time I decided to research my disease. My doctor did not have a lot of answers for me at that time but I wanted to be prepared for what I might have to go through.

On October 20 I went for my results. My cancer was stage IB2 which meant that it was an invasive cancer, involving the cervix only, and was larger that 4cm. My doctor had already gone over the results with the gynecologist and they determined that I needed surgery. I was scheduled with an appointment to see the gynecologist the very next day as they did not want to wait. My cancer was completely through the lining of the cervix and the next step would be metastisis to another organ.

The gynecologist was very nice. She explained that she was going to do what was called a conization and remove the lining of my cervix. She also explained that they used to do hysterectomies for this level of cancer but studies had shown that if the cancer came back it had no place to go but to another organ so the procedure was to now be conservative. My surgery was scheduled for the following Monday. I was sent immediately to the hospital for all my pre-surgery testing.I was scared when I left the doctor’s office.

I was angry, in disbelief and basically wondering what was going to happen to me now. Many questions went through my head. Would they get it all? Would I even survive the surgery? If they do get it all will it come back? I was now realizing that no matter how many people you deal with in your life that have cancer, unless you actually get the diagnosis yourself there is no way that you can understand all the emotional stress that someone goes through. Luckily for me I have a wonderfully supportive family who tried to keep me busy and my mind off of things until my surgery.

On the morning of my surgery I went to the hospital. I refused to let my husband go with me, I wanted to deal with it myself. There was really nothing he could do for me, he would just be sitting around driving himself crazy from the waiting.

The second scariest thing in my life happened while I was being prepped for surgery. The anesthesiologist came to talk to me and she wanted to know about my cirrhosis. I told her I did not have cirrhosis. Her comment back to me was that it is in my chart and she would have to go look at my files to see where it came from. At that point they gave me medication to calm me down and although I knew the gynecologist was there I was pretty much unable to talk with her. The last thing I remember was being wheeled down the hall through a maze of construction workers and saying to the nurses that I bet they would be happy when the construction was over.

I vaguely remember my gynecologist telling me the surgery was over and they were pretty sure they got it all. The next thing I really remember was waking up with a nurse sitting beside my bed asking me if I was ready to try to eat something. I told her I was and I asked if they got all the cancer. She stated that she was pretty sure they had. Once I had eaten something they called my mother-in-law who was waiting to pick me up. They walked me out to the back door where she was waiting and I was on my way to the pharmacy to get pain medication. When I finally got home I was exhausted but in too much pain to sleep.

Being the stubborn person that I am I actually went to my step-son’s last junior varsity football game at 6 p.m. that night. I usually walk back and forth at these games but I had to sit in the bleachers that night. At least I got to see it!

The next two weeks were the worst of my life. Everything finally hit me and I suffered through a terrible depression. I slept most of the day, I was awake half the night, I could not eat, I could not concentrate and I had no desire to even do daily functions like showering and getting dressed. My doctor told me this was normal as I had not had time to accept the whole idea of having cancer things had moved along to fast.

One week after surgery I had a follow up appointment with the gynecologist and even her good news was unable to bring me out of my depressed state. She told me they were 95 percent sure they got it all. The test they did on the remaining cervical cells showed no sign of the cancer. I was going to have to take it easy for another 5 weeks and then have one more post surgery follow up to make sure everything was healing correctly.

Finally I was able to pull myself together and get back to my schoolwork. My instructors had been very good to me in letting me extend time frames for when work was due. As I finished my research paper, I just had my last post surgery follow up. Everything has healed well, and now it is on to testing every three months for the next two years to make sure my cancer is gone and does not come back. I have to take vitamins everyday to boost my immune system, I am in the process of quitting smoking. I need to get my body healthier so I can fight off this virus.

My research

Cervical cancer is caused by the human papillomavirus, also known as HPV. There are over 100 types of HPV. Some types cause the common wart; these are different than those that cause growths in the throat or genital area. Of the more than 100 types, over 30 can be transmitted through sexual contact. Around six million new genital HPV infections occur each year in the United States. Most HPV infections occur without symptoms and many people who have become infected do not know they have the virus and that they are transmitting it to their sexual partner. These infections generally go away without treatment within two years as the immune system will usually suppress or eliminate the virus. However, some HPV infections can persist for many years, with or without causing detectable cell abnormalities, and are generally the types of virus that can lead to cervical cancer.

There are several risk factors involved in contracting HPV. They include, multiple sex partners, poor nutrition, and presence of other sexually transmitted diseases, sex at an early age, smoking and substance abuse.

Intercourse is not required for the virus to transfer from an infected man to a woman. The virus lives very happily in secretions and on the surface of the scrotum and penis and is easily transferred by genital-to-genital contact. Being a virgin does not protect you from an HPV infection. The chances of both having an infection and then going on to develop cervical lesion because of an infection increase the more male sexual partners a woman has. (Rushing 195)

Smoking is the second greatest risk factor. The by-products of nicotine are concentrated 1000 times in the cervical tissue. There is an interaction between the HPV infected cervical cells and substances found in cigarette smoke, which promote the development of cervical cancer.

“Cervical cancer is preventable and often curable is discovered early. Proper diagnosis, evaluation and treatment of abnormal Pap tests will allow the prevention of cervical cancer.” (Rosenfeld 322)

Approximately half of all cervical cancers occur in women who do not get regular pap tests, these women either do not have health insurance, they are shy about having the test or their cultures prevent them from having it. Language barriers and lack of education are other reasons that women do not get regular pap tests. Women 60 or older simply do not view themselves as being at risk. (Hartman 427)

One other type of prevention is the new HPV vaccine. This vaccine is recommended for females between the ages of 9 and 26. The vaccine called Gardasil targets four types of HPV, types 6 and 1, which cause about 90 percent of all genital warts and types 16 and 18, which cause 90 percent of all cervical cancers. Gardasil is given in three doses over a six-month period and studies have shown that immunity is still high after five years.

Cervical cancer is diagnosed by several tests. The first test is called a pap test and is a test that is typically done annually. A pap test is a screening test and not a diagnostic test. This test not only screens for HPV but also several other sexually transmitted disease such as Chlamydia, Herpes and Trichomonas. Tests should be performed yearly on any woman over the age of 18 and on younger females who are sexually active.

The Pap test consists of scraping cells from the cervix and looking at them under a microscope. If the cells are normal the patient can schedule a return visit in one year. If abnormal cells are detected than further evaluation and treatment is needed. Further treatment is determined by how abnormal the cells are. The abnormal cells found in the cervix are called cervical intraepithelial neoplasia or CIN. There are three stages of CIN, they are, CIN I in which the cells are mildly abnormal, CIN II in which the cells appear moderately abnormal and CIN III, where the cells are severely abnormal. CIN III is also known as carcinoma-in-situ or cancer that is in place. The cells appear cancerous but are limited to the surface of the cervix.

The cell samples are sent to a pathologist for examination, as he views the samples under a microscope he is looking for two types of cells, squamous carcinomas and adenocarcinomas. Squamous carcinomas are cancer cells that develop in the lower portion of the cervix and account for 85-90 percent of all cervical cancers. Adenocarcinomas account for 10-15 percent of all cervical cancers and are found in the upper portion of the cervix. Once the pathologist has determined the type of cancer cell then further diagnosis is needed to determine the stage. This determination is usually done by the doctor and is called a colposcopy with biopsy. This procedure is where the doctor looks at the cervix with a small microscope and takes larger samples of the cervix not just the surface cells. These samples are then sent to the pathologist to determine the stage of the cancer.

This staging is based on the FIGO system. Once the stage of cancer has been determined then further treatment can be decided. If the cancer is stage 0 then generally the colposcopy with biopsy will get rid of the abnormal cells. Deeper invasive cancers need a more extreme treatment. Stage I cancers can be removed using either a cold conization also known as cone-biopsy or the loop electro surgical excision procedure also known as LEEP.

The LEEP procedure is less invasive and can be done in the physician’s office using a local anesthesia. A thin wire carrying an electrical current is used to remove a thin layer of the cervical tissue. If the cancer cells are deeper in the cervical tissue than the cold conization is recommended. This procedure must be done under general anesthesia in an operating room. A scalpel or laser is used to remove a thicker piece of the cervical tissue. Most women who have the cold conization can return home the same day.

If the cancer has spread to the vaginal canal or in to the uterus, generally a hysterectomy is recommended. A hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus, the cervix and if necessary the ovaries and lymph nodes in the pelvis.

If the cancer is advanced than a combination of treatments may be required. This combination can consist of surgery, radiation and/or chemotherapy. Radiation therapy can be delivered to the affected site in two ways, either by an external beam, which is non-invasive and is similar to a chest x-ray. The other way to deliver radiation is by placing the radiation close to the cancer, usually by some form of implanted internal device. Cervical cancer is one of the few cancers that in its early stages can be completely treated by radiation. In more advanced stages radiation can be used to control the spread of the disease.

The five-year survival rate for women with cervical cancer varies depending on the stage of the cancer. Approximately two-thirds of women diagnosed with invasive cervical cancer survive long term without experiencing a cancer recurrence. In the remaining one-third the cancer comes back months or years later, however most recurrences happen within two years of receiving initial diagnosis. (Hartman 462)

A diagnosis of cancer produces a roller coaster of emotions. Diagnosis and treatment can cause great distress both physically and emotionally.Follow-up care can cause feelings of anxiety or sadness often because of the fear of recurrence.

Certain feelings such as disbelief, fear, anger, anxiety and depression seem to be the most common. The patient feels disbelief generally at diagnosis, they are unable to concentrate, cannot believe this is happening or may deny the diagnosis and pretend that nothing has happened.Fear comes from the unknown.The imagination takes over and the patient’s mind comes up with all kinds of terrible things that the cancer might do. The patient can also feel fear of treatments and procedures and their side effects or fear that they cannot handle everything that is being thrown at them.

Anger portrays itself in the feeling of unfairness and often gets taken out on close friends and family. Tests, treatment and cancer recurrence are all factors that can bring on the feeling of anxiety. Anxiety can also be brought on by medical factors such as uncontrolled pain and certain medications.

Anxiety and depression should be closely watched as sometimes they become overwhelming and the patient may need psychological help with coping. Both disorders have specific side effects that should be watched for. Signs that can indicate anxiety has exceeded its normal threshold include intense worry or fear, restlessness, trouble sleeping, fatigue, rapid pulse, shortness of breath, sweating or chills or a feeling of detachment.Signs of major depression can be persistent sadness, feeling of anxiety, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, loss of energy, mood changes, feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness or guilt or recurring thoughts of death or suicide. (Hartman 501)

The physical impacts on a patient can lead to emotional impact. Some of the physical impacts are chronic pain; sleep disturbances, nausea, loss of appetite and weight loss and loss of physical activity. Invasive cervical cancer that requires a hysterectomy has its own impacts on the physical body, which are hot flashes, night sweats and vaginal changes such as dryness and painful intercourse. Chemotherapy can cause a long-term physical impact. Osteoporosis is a side effect of chemotherapy and causes the bones to become brittle. Drugs from chemotherapy can affect the brain and loss of memory or concentration difficulties can occur.